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[07 Nov 2006|01:46am] |
Unexpectedly hot sex, and an unrelated running goal achieved: it was a good weekend.
I have never been with anyone that tall and solid. He's strong, and he has such large hands, but he's actually quite gentle and intimate when not, you know, wrestling. We slept together (sleeping-slept) two nights out of three, and though the first was restless, the second was peaceful and cozy.
Oh, god, I love sex.
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[10 Sep 2006|10:51am] |
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So, I'm not as good at lucid wet dreaming as I'd hoped -- I was awoken before we even got past the mad, fumbling make-out -- but it is still quite fun.
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| ah yes. |
[17 Aug 2006|06:09pm] |
At the end of an otherwise-unrelated email, he says:
i have two nice yellow bruises on my upper left arm, look about like
fingers. i suspect in fact that they look a lot like your fingers.
just thought i'd share.
OK, so, no more irrational doubt.
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| oh, yeah! |
[16 Aug 2006|02:40pm] |
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So, one condom breaking is bad luck. Two condoms breaking out of three? I'm glad I just got an IUD. Jesus.
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[15 Aug 2006|04:56pm] |
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Apparently I am capable of having a casual one night stand with an old friend! I am happy to have found this out.
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[07 Aug 2006|07:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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fucking... argh. |
] |
What do you do when your partner is being an asshole and is refusing to apologize for it?
He's usually so easygoing, and so I rarely call him on it when he's not. But right now -- he did one very very rude and self-centered thing, and then more or less called me an idiot ("no, you're not an idiot, I just have no idea how you don't understand something so obvious"), and is absolutely refusing to apologize for any of it.
"You are not an asshole, but you are BEING an asshole right NOW, and it is uncharacteristic of you. You are being an asshole. I have never said this to you before, ever."
I hadn't. Now I have. I'd masturbate to take my mind off of it but I can't, since I'm too busy crying.
He's out for the night with little Andrea. I'm so furious and sad I can't see straight. I can't tell if I want to destroy something or to be destroyed. How do people live lives where they get angry on a regular basis? Shit, but I'm glad I'm usually calm.
Eventually, because this is how it goes, eventually I'm sure I will forgive him because I am too tired to do anything else, and he will silently think how glad he is that I finally understood.
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| some subjects are just hard to broach |
[13 Jul 2006|08:52am] |
So, how 'bout that anal sex?
I chickened out the other day, but I'm still thinking about it. It just feels so WEIRD! And yet, I'm intrigued. How can I have gone this long without trying it? Fascinating.
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[11 May 2006|04:41pm] |
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This restaurant is fascinating. Eat in a perfectly lightproof room, being waited on by blind waiters. It makes me want to have a little party in a completely dark room. It would have to be perfectly light-tight, though, or else everyone's eyes would just adjust. I'm sure I could rent a darkroom somewhere in this town, but I doubt it'd be equipped for an orgy.
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[15 Apr 2006|05:37am] |
I can't stop thinking. I'd like to, but it won't happen any time soon. I'm thoroughly happy and content with life, but my brain is racing constantly with thoughts I don't even want to share with secret people like yourselves. When was the last time this happened? I don't know. Maybe it was recent, and maybe it wasn't. I wonder if this will ever sort out into something I can either talk about or act on?
I feel like my art is getting more interesting. I've just finished a graduate degree. I'm lifting weights more actively than I have in years. Little Andrea is awesome. I'm having good sex, and I have plenty of people who love me. I'm ready for something, though, something new.
All of those people who talk about weight loss as being pleasant at first because your clothes "start fitting better"? They clearly didn't just buy a bunch of new clothes that fit well. It's nice to lose 10 pounds, but now my pants are all floppy in weird places, and they keep falling off. Z suggested a belt! How low-tech. I forgot about belts.
I am a little disturbed at how strongly I am driven by passion for novelty. I dress it up, sometimes, but really, it's just a short attention span and a quiet but thrill-seeking nature.
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[05 Apr 2006|01:54am] |
Aww. She even sent the customary "thanks, that was great!" post-date email to me today.
In other news, I'm going to one of Those Parties this weekend, and it looks like I might actually have my two new matched singletails in time. Then I'd get to practice in public! I've also been asked to photograph a rope scene, which is a fine way to flatter me. I don't think that anyone new I'm actively interested in at the moment is going to be there, but I'd call it a success even if I just got to crack whips and take some nice photos.
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[23 Mar 2006|12:27am] |
I have a date that I have no reason to believe is actually a date on Friday. Yay!
I completed a project I've been working on for a long time this evening. At least, there will only be minor revisions at this point; revising at someone else's direction is a lot simpler than creating something from scratch.
My energy is boundless. I could do anything. Anything!
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[05 Mar 2006|06:39pm] |
I'm at a local cafe right now, sitting in a corner and working on a laptop. Clustered in a nearby group of couches and armchairs is a small bunch of people -- 5, now that I count -- all having an animated conversation about nothing in particular. One of them is a woman that my housemate Geoff dated briefly last year. It took me quite a while to remember where I knew her from, but she greeted me with a broad smile as I was making my way toward the corner.
Something about this conversation makes it read like a date, an early date. Maybe it's the way they all nod excitedly at one another, or the way they lean in slightly to make sure they catch every word. And it occurs to me, watching them, that I have no idea what a date among five people would feel like. I can just barely understand a date among three people, despite having more or less been on a few.
Suddenly, I want to do this. I want to gather up a few of my friends, go out together, and frame it as a date. Not an orgy, not a "double-date", just a plain old getting the shivers and being sure to wear nice underwear date.
One of them just returned from the bathroom. There are six. Six! That's a lot. I don't think I could deal with any more than six people on a date.
A few years ago, I was in a situation that I would have had a much easier time understanding if I'd conceived of it that way, but I can never seem to think of a social group as a relationship entity in itself. Maybe I should remember to do that.
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[23 Feb 2006|02:52am] |
I'm afraid I have a rather uncharitable desire to use someone up and spit them out, tonight. But who?
Also: I'm finding a certain amount of meanness in bed really fucking sexy these days. From both sides. It's a little creepy, and I'm still mulling it over. I had a good Valentine's Day, though. I usually don't keep close track of it, but this year we happened to.
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| I suppose everyone has to post this from time to time. |
[12 Feb 2006|02:41am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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Now that I seem to have the free time and excess libido that allow me to read and post again, I'm finding that a number of my favorite sex-journalers have stopped writing. So, to the three or four of you that still read this, what LJs do you find hot, these days?
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[07 Feb 2006|07:17am] |
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mood |
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fucking awesome |
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The secret to confidence, I think, is that nobody cares how you come off, since they're all too busy worrying about themselves to put too much thought into you. This means that you can just make up who you want to be. People will believe you, because it's easier than thinking. A related phenomenon: if you change, even temporarily, it won't take long for people to feel as if you've always been that way.
This can, of course, be flattering: "of course YOU can do that, you're ATHLETIC." Oh? Well! I suppose I am! How nice.
Of course, I forgot that it can also be humiliating, if you've spent the last year partly out of commission.
Note to self: never say "yeah" when what you meant to say was "fuck you, I'm fucking awesome."
Fuck you. I'm fucking awesome.
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[06 Jan 2006|11:39am] |
What are your safer sex policies with partners? Are they different for different kinds of partners? I'm in the middle of an exciting dilemma where one partner's partner accepts a (relatively minimal) level of risk in her life, and another partner's partner doesn't like that. I'm inclined to agree with the minimal-level-of-risk person, but I don't really get a choice. So, instead, I sit here and wonder.
So! Please help me wonder and tell me about your own sex lives. No level of detail on this is too great, trust me.
On the bright side, the doctor says I can fuck now! I've "healed up beautifully".
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| goin' crazy |
[06 Dec 2005|02:53am] |
So, I had a baby. In a lot of ways, I still can't quite believe it -- that entire little girl came out of me? But yes, she did. Thanksgiving week, we had a baby girl, and it's all sleepless nights for a while, now.
But, wonderful though it is, that's not what I'm here to talk about. All the books predict a drop in libido for the postpartum mother, but my experience is the exact opposite. I'm climbing the walls! I mean, think about it -- I've been alienated from my body for months, and I'm getting it back. I've dropped water from my face so it looks like me again. I can lie on my back (and spread my legs), lie on my stomach (and think about getting fucked from behind), get into any position I want without having to work for it, and I want to use it all for sex. My fantasies are going doubletime, too -- I fantasize about the most unlikely people and acts, and it's really all very base and vanilla. Just sex sex sex. Whew.
Unexpected: watching Mark take care of the baby makes me horny. Hm! Sure, blah blah good mate blah blah, but I don't usually fall for that kind of thing so viscerally, I don't think. But now I do! Hey, want to hold the baby? Let me throw in a free blowjob! Please!
All of this is made much more deliciously frustrating by the fact that I can't have anything inside me for six weeks. Nothing. At all. Not even one shy little finger. And on top of that, I hardly have time to masturbate, what with all of the sleep I need to get (and all of the baby-care during my time awake). So -- tired, ineloquent, and going completely nuts.
The first week in January. That's the tentative go-date. And oh my god, does that seem like an eternity from now.
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| smooooth |
[10 Sep 2005|07:45am] |
I just got my first bikini wax done. It was a "brazilian" - no hair at all left down there. I might like the look of a more natural wax, but the feel of this is *fascinating*.
I asked Heather where I should go, and she recommended a chic little day spa. It did not disappoint. Low lights, soothing music, and a beautiful young woman to spread hot wax all over me. The wax felt so silky going on, and so startling coming off that the whole experience was more sensual than I'd expected. Or maybe "sensory" is a better word. An interesting tactile experience. I'm still tingly.
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[08 Sep 2005|08:19am] |
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I do not feel old enough to have four friends mention in the past year that they were considering divorce, especially since one has already gone through with it and another is now in the process.
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